Couples Counselling

I love working with couples and assisting them in communicating effectively.

When we feel deeply seen and heard by our partner, this allows us to relax defence systems and meet each other in openness and connection.

This is the basis for love and cherishing to flow in relationship.

The way I work is primarily modelled using Stan Tatkin’s PACT theory. PACT stands for Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy.

The fundamental principle in the PACT model is creating a safe couple bubble for the two of you to feel secure, communicate openly and honestly and function at your optimum in the world from that stable base at home.

Often, when I first start working with a new couple, there is an acute issue, or couple of issues, that are flaring up in the relationship right now and that’s why you have sought counselling in the first place. What I will often do at the outset is to work on having you hear each other’s point of view deeply. A technique called bridging that allows each partner to place themselves in the other’s shoes and see the world through their partner’s eyes does this in a deeply embodied and experiential way. This may sound simple, but it’s actually very challenging and requires a great deal of skill and discipline to do well.

My goal as a couples therapist isn’t to have you coming back to therapy to see me indefinitely. My goal is to give you the tools and skills to be able to navigate the difficult challenges that inevitably arise in all intimate relationships so that you can take them home with you and work them yourselves.

Some issues that arise in romantic relationships that I am confident I can assist you with:

• Communication issues
• Issues relating to commitment to the relationship itself
• One or both partners not feeling safe and secure in relationship
• Relationship agreements being unclear or consistently broken
• How to get out of our survival instinct and back to openness and care
• How to work with different attachment styles in our partners such as secure attachment, insecure avoidant attachment and insecure ambivalent attachment
• Understanding and dealing with third parties outside of the relationship be they other people or hobbies or anything that might take attention away from the relationship at critical moments
• How to fight well in relationship (yes, we all fight)
• How to keep arguments to 5 minutes or less and only deal with 1 topic at a time
• Infidelity and betrayal
• Issues repairing hurt and broken trust in relationship
• Finding win-win solutions in relationship without needing to compromise
• Learning to read your partner’s nervous system, face and body language
• Sexuality and how to communicate sexual desires respectfully
• Not having a shared vision or shared beliefs within a relationship
• Partners criticising each other
• Partners holding each other in contempt
• Partners becoming overly defensive toward one another
• Partners stonewalling each other
• Partners belittling or shaming one another

These are just some of the issues that may arise, but I’m happy to work with you on whatever is presenting in your relationship right now. There is no issue too big or small to bring into the therapy room and look at.

I look forward to working with you both to create a more fulfilling, nourishing and sustainable relationship together!