As a seeker, I had always assumed that devotion to the guru would be helpful on the spiritual path.
How could it not?
Devotion to the guru was obviously going to diminish the self, right?
It’s about putting myself aside, honouring something beyond myself or, at least, the nearest human representation to that and being humble in my service to them.
Instant recipe for enlightenment, surely…
Well, maybe I’m just not the bhakti type, but I found it incredibly difficult to maintain devotion to the guru for long periods of time.
I could manage small pockets of it and, I’ll admit, it felt lovely and sweet and innocent and pure and like a melting, merging kind of adoration, but there would always be something that would come in the way of it, inevitably.
Now, this may well be different for devotion to dead gurus or gurus that you don’t have any physical contact with, say if you were to devote yourself to Mooji just by watching him on YouTube. I don’t know.
But when you LIVE with your guru and are around them 24/7, you’re gonna find it a difficult path.
There will ALWAYS be things you disagree on, always.
My experience, often, was that the guru would do something, say something, make a decision, take an action, whatever and I would get triggered, all kinds of defences would come up and I would lose the devotional side of things instantly. It would no longer be about devotion at that point, it would be about seeing a normal, broken, imperfect human being with all their flaws and wondering about their true agenda.
Perhaps this is where the seeker is being tested. Perhaps a true bhakti can surrender to this resistance and see the resistance clearly and surrender that too. Perhaps that is even the POINT of the devotion to the guru in the first place, in that these obstacles will inevitably show themselves and, as the stoics say, the obstacle IS the path.
I just found it tough. Over and over and over again.
Devotion to presence, however, is difficult for other reasons, but I have found it more manageable.
Devotion to presence is difficult because it’s intangible. Presence is always, already the case. It is the background of our experience of every moment, but we may just not be aware of it. It can be experienced palpably and strongly in the body, but, usually, particularly for those seekers that are just starting out on the path, it needs to be actively cultivated. So, because presence isn’t in a human form, it can be hard to become devoted to it and stay devoted like a competent bhakti would.
On the bright side, though, presence isn’t going to trigger you. It isn’t going to touch your wounding or your trauma and throw you face first into your Daddy stuff or your Mummy stuff. Presence is, for the most part, lovely and sweet and beautiful and profound and peaceful. What’s not to love?
As I am practicing more of a devotion to presence these days rather than a devotion to any one particular guru, I am noticing that it comes with its own challenges, but that it can touch the same places in my heart, access the longing and the openness and commitment and resonate with the deepest longings of my soul just as strongly.
And for that, I am grateful.